One of those dreams where waking up is like falling face first onto reality's cold, concrete pavement.
I know I love Gold because the dream I had about kissing her made me happier than any other sexual fantasy I could ever imagine. I woke up a few hours ago, but I didn't remember my dream until about 5 minutes ago, and then it hit me like a tidal wave. There was this momentary happiness as I recalled the dream in its entirety, then a wave of sadness as I realized that my happiness was fabricated by my own active imagination and that, as always, I am very much alone.
In the dream, Gold and I meet up at church, inadvertantly. I'm sitting in my seat and she just happens to file in next to me, but we see each other and all of those sparks whose flight capabilities I'd questioned start firing off with no abandon, then I'm so enamored and happy that all I can do is laugh. After church, I'm walking out, she grabs my hand and kisses me and I'm overjoyed because YES, I'VE FINALLY GOT HER. I've forgiven the universe for all the shit that its handed to me and I submit to all of the positive emotions I've kept locked away for fear that they'd turn against me. We walk toward the exit and kiss another time before we part ways, and I'm literally in IDON'TGIVEAFUCKABOUTANYTHINGBECAUSEI'MHAPPYASSHIT-VILLE, USA and it's a permanent move.
Then I wake up.
But, like I said, I don't remember the dream.
So the disappointment isn't instant.
I guess it's 10 minutes ago now since I've remembered the dream. Now I'm just sitting here, empty... Kinda hollow. That space that, whilst dreaming, was so full of love and joy and hope and happiness, is now empty. Dark... Dank... Soured. The fumes of my rotting happiness' decay are like a hallucinogen that plagues me with false happiness in my sleep. So, bring on the Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and any/all other Fueled By Ramen tween bands. Yes, I am all the way emo today, and I could give a fuck less.
[X_X]-A.P.
I know I love Gold because the dream I had about kissing her made me happier than any other sexual fantasy I could ever imagine. I woke up a few hours ago, but I didn't remember my dream until about 5 minutes ago, and then it hit me like a tidal wave. There was this momentary happiness as I recalled the dream in its entirety, then a wave of sadness as I realized that my happiness was fabricated by my own active imagination and that, as always, I am very much alone.
In the dream, Gold and I meet up at church, inadvertantly. I'm sitting in my seat and she just happens to file in next to me, but we see each other and all of those sparks whose flight capabilities I'd questioned start firing off with no abandon, then I'm so enamored and happy that all I can do is laugh. After church, I'm walking out, she grabs my hand and kisses me and I'm overjoyed because YES, I'VE FINALLY GOT HER. I've forgiven the universe for all the shit that its handed to me and I submit to all of the positive emotions I've kept locked away for fear that they'd turn against me. We walk toward the exit and kiss another time before we part ways, and I'm literally in IDON'TGIVEAFUCKABOUTANYTHINGBECAUSEI'MHAPPYASSHIT-VILLE, USA and it's a permanent move.
Then I wake up.
But, like I said, I don't remember the dream.
So the disappointment isn't instant.
I guess it's 10 minutes ago now since I've remembered the dream. Now I'm just sitting here, empty... Kinda hollow. That space that, whilst dreaming, was so full of love and joy and hope and happiness, is now empty. Dark... Dank... Soured. The fumes of my rotting happiness' decay are like a hallucinogen that plagues me with false happiness in my sleep. So, bring on the Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and any/all other Fueled By Ramen tween bands. Yes, I am all the way emo today, and I could give a fuck less.
[X_X]-A.P.
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